‘I’m angry and upset with my younger sister for having a baby with my ex’

Dear Coleen, I’m so angry and upset with my younger sister and don’t know how to deal with it. I split up with a long-term boyfriend nearly two years ago. We’d been dating for three years and it was a really horrible, acrimonious split. He was never there for me and I constantly suspected he was cheating.

Anyway, fast-forward to now and I’ve recently found out my sister has been dating him and they’re expecting a baby. She was too worried to tell me herself and made our mum deliver the news. My mum isn’t happy about their relationship and felt horrible having to tell me, but she felt it was better coming from her.

I can’t believe it – my sister knows how I feel about this guy. I cried on her shoulder many times and she agreed that he was no good and that I should dump him and move on with my life.

Now, of course, all I can think about is that they were seeing each other behind my back or at least fancied each other. I feel so stupid and don’t know how I’ll be able to have any kind of relationship with either of them.

Loose Women presenter Coleen Nolan is the Mirror’s resident agony aunt
(Image: ITV)

Right now, I hate them both and never want to see them again. Can you help?

Coleen says

A similar thing happened to me with one of my sisters when I was a lot younger – not the baby bit, but they lived together for two years after I had lived with him for two years. So I understand the pain and sense of betrayal.

At the time, I just kept telling myself, “I’m not going to lose my sister over this man”. And once my pride and ego stopped screaming at me, I ended up getting on OK with them both and it was liberating.

Ultimately, I think you need to talk to your sister rather than avoid her because you can’t ignore her for ever. Well, you can, but it’ll make things more painful and awkward in the long run.

Of course, your mind runs riot, wondering if anything was going on while you were together, but the bottom line is, your relationship with him wasn’t right and it sounds like you’re glad it’s over. So now you’re free to go out there and find someone who is right for you.

If it’s the betrayal that’s hurt and angered you, then have it out with your sister, but don’t mistake your feelings for anything else – you didn’t want this man any more and you split up.

I think it will be weird (or even weirder) for your sister because, in reality, everything she’s doing with him, you’ve done first. That will be hard for their relationship.

Look, the best form of revenge (if that’s what you want to call it) is to get happy and then you’ll feel better on every level.

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