“This is the year they decide they have to have a host,” he quipped. “‘Why’ is the question I been asked a lot this week, and I get it. It might seem frivolous and unnecessary to do during a global pandemic, but you know what else seems frivolous and unnecessary? Doing it every other year. What is happening tonight is not important. It’s not going to stop COVID or put out the fires, but it’s fun. And right now, we need fun. My god do we need fun. This has been a miserable year. It’s been a year of division, injustice, disease, zoom school, disaster, and death. We’ve been quarantined and locked down, confined to our homes like prisoners in a dark and Leonel tunnel. What did we find in that dark and lonely tunnel? We found a friend who is there for us 24 hours a day. Our old pal, television.”
Kimmel waxed poetic about the magic of television (especially when we’re all stuck at home) and paid tribute to Norman Lear, who at 98 is the oldest Emmy winner ever.
“Norman didn’t grow up dreaming of winning Emmys,” Kimmel said. “In fact, television wasn’t something people had until he was a teenager. When he was a boy, his dream was not to get kicked to death by a horse. Norman, you are a miracle. The only thing I’ll be producing when I’m 98 is phlegm.”
Kimmel also offered congrats to the Emmy-nominated Quibi, “the dumbest thing to ever cost one billion dollars,” and explained that any time he said the title Schitt’s Creek, the spelling of that title would have to also be shown on screen.
“HBO can show us a blue penis, no problem,” he joked. “I can’t say that word Schitts with a C.”