Dealing with the “baby blues” has been particularly difficult for first-time mom Nikki. She and her fiancé Artem Chigvintsev welcomed their son Matteo on July 31, but just two weeks later, the professional dancer had to relocate to Los Angeles for a role on Dancing With the Stars. Nikki and Matteo have since joined Artem in L.A., but as she explained on Wednesday, Sept. 30’s podcast, she’s still on her own a lot of the time.
As a result, she finally broke down.
“This past week, Brie and I, we were in Phoenix packing up our homes, filming Total Bellas,” Nikki began. “I had Matteo on my own; still had a whole house to pack up—I did have help on that, but you still have to do so much—filming on top of it, and I had a massive breakdown.”
She continued, noting that it wasn’t just Artem’s absence that was affecting her; she had also hired help for Matteo and was beginning to regret it.
“It’s hard when you know your baby loves what you provide for him, like how feeding time is, how the song you sing when you swaddle him up or how you rock him and those things,” Nikki explained. “So sometimes it’s hard not to get mom guilt or feel like I’m just a failure as a mom when I’m not giving him those things and I’m letting someone else do it and he’s fussy and he’s crying and he’s upset.”