‘I feel so low and humiliated after partner ended engagement out of

Dear Coleen

My fiancé ended our relationship out of nowhere last November and I’ve been really struggling to come to terms with it ever since.

We’d been together for six years and were planning to get married, so it was a huge shock and it upended my entire life.

I had to find somewhere to live and also face the humiliating job of telling everyone the wedding was off.

I always had the impression that some of my family and friends didn’t like my fiancé, so I don’t feel I can really talk to them about it, although I am able to confide in my best friend, who has been a shoulder to cry on.

However, it’s nearly a year on and I’m not feeling much better, which isn’t helped by the fact that I’ve heard through the grapevine that my ex has been seeing someone else.

I suppose I’m still having trouble making sense of why it happened and why he wouldn’t try to make the
relationship work.

I’m 31 and feel overwhelmed by the idea that I have to start again. I’m currently on the waiting list for counselling, but I’d be grateful for any advice on how to feel better and move on.

Coleen says

It must have been harder to move on after being hit by lockdown and not being able to see people and do
things that would normally be a good distraction.

But, leaving the timing aside, I think you need to give yourself a break and not worry so much about how you “should” be feeling. Your fiancé dumped you out of the blue after six years together, so of course it’s going to be painful and take time to get over.

It’s all part of the healing process and, although it doesn’t feel like it right now, you’ll come out of the other side stronger and wiser.

I’m a huge fan of counselling and it’s never been more crucial to look after our mental wellbeing, so I think this is a good idea. You’ll be able to work through what happened without worrying about being judged. And keep confiding in your best mate – you only really need one good friend who you can talk to.

Also, I think you have to force yourself a bit to get up and get on with life and, the more you do that, the easier it gets. Focus on yourself and not your ex and what he’s up to. Put your energy into finding your own happiness.

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