I’m a 25-year-old guy and my girlfriend is a year older. We’ve been together for two years and I’m in no doubt that I love her and want to be with her. But my problem is, I’ve cheated on her several times now since we’ve been going out, and slept with other women.
I’ve felt really bad and so guilty after cheating and just want to be with my girlfriend. At first I could ignore the guilt, but now it’s starting to get to me.
I don’t know whether to tell her and try to make a new start or whether to keep it to myself, carry on and make a promise to myself not to cheat again.
Initially, I was generally well behaved – the occasional kiss or friskiness with other women when away with my mates, but I never went ‘all the way’ with any of them.
Recently, my girlfriend and I have been talking about future plans – moving in together, getting engaged and so on, which makes me feel even worse.
I know she’s never cheated on me – she’s not the type – and I couldn’t have found a better girl to spend my life with.
What’s wrong with me? I want to behave better, but I can’t seem to help myself.
I’ve never had feelings for any of the women I’ve cheated with – it’s just been pure lust and sex. Help!
I don’t think you’re ready for serious commitment and, if that’s what this is all about, then you need to admit it to yourself. If you want to be young, free and single and sow your wild oats, there’s nothing wrong with that, but leave your girlfriend first.
These things have a way of catching up with you somehow – either the guilt will become too much and you’ll have to tell her, or she’ll find out. And either scenario will probably have the same result – she’ll dump you.
Also, you can’t possibly be paying attention to your relationship if you’ve always got one eye on someone else.
Don’t make any plans about moving in together or getting engaged unless you really are ready to turn over a new leaf – that would be very unfair on your girlfriend.
Imagine how hurt you’d be if you were in her shoes and discovered your partner had been lying and cheating for the entire time you’d been together.
I can’t decide for you whether to tell her or not but, however this turns out, I think you need to take a big lesson from it. You’ve learned something about yourself – you can’t play fast and loose with someone’s heart and feel OK about it.