‘Me and my boyfriend get on great everywhere – except in the bedroom’

I’m a woman aged 29 and my boyfriend is 32, and we’ve been together for nearly two years. I love him, fancy him like crazy and we have loads of fun together – except in the bedroom.

He just doesn’t have the moves in bed and seems to lack confidence.

He always enjoys it, but we do the same things every time and he is not very adventurous and pretty quiet, which makes me doubt how attracted he is to me as well.

It just feels a bit awkward a lot of the time, which shouldn’t be the case after two years, but we have never spoken about it. I’m not sure I can – I feel ­embarrassed to bring it up and I’d also be worried about upsetting him and turning it into a bigger issue.

I’m used to previous lovers taking control and being very confident in bed and I’ve always known what they’re thinking and feeling but, when it comes to my boyfriend, I haven’t got a clue.

I know he’s only had one serious ­relationship in the past, which lasted for five years and then there was the odd fling, so he’s slept with a lot less people than I have.

How do you think I should handle this sensitive situation?

Coleen says

I agree, it is difficult to raise issues around sex with your partner, but if it’s bothering you enough to write to me, then you have to address it.

Maybe you could start by asking him what really turns him on or maybe what three things would improve sex from his point of view, and get the conversation going.

Maybe raise this in bed one night after you’ve had sex when you’re relaxed and it seems natural to bring it up. Don’t criticise, which, I agree, would affect his confidence, but just talk about what things make sex great for you.

Maybe he feels slightly intimidated because you’ve had more lovers and are more confident in bed. But the truth is, sex is different with different partners and it’s about growing together and learning what you both like.

Also, maybe treat it all less seriously – stop treading around each other so ­carefully because finding out what turns you on should be fun.

It sounds like you have the foundations of a good relationship and I’m sure you can make sex more fun and satisfying if you can get over your embarrassment and have the conversation.

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