‘Mum’s left me furious for hurting dad with her affair – I lost

Dear Coleen

I’m a woman in my twenties and I’ve lost all respect for my mum. My dad called me a couple of weeks ago to say she’d been having an affair with another man and that he’d found out about it and she admitted it.

Now, though, she’s begging to stay with my dad and I don’t think he should take her back. He’s been ­devastated by what’s happened and very hurt. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen him cry and I’m so angry with my mum for doing this.

I don’t live with them and she’s been trying to get in touch with me, but I’ve been ignoring her calls and messages. I’m too furious at the moment to speak to her and think I’d end up saying something I’ll regret.

My mum has always been the outgoing partner in the marriage – lots of friends, very sociable and also quite flirty with other men.

Her mum is calling and texting her, but she is not answering (Stock photo)
(Image: Getty Images/Tetra images RF)

My dad’s quiet and thoughtful, but I always thought they made a great couple and complemented each other well.

She brings him out of his shell and he’s steady and reliable, which she needs. He would literally do anything for her, which is why it’s so heartbreaking. Can you offer any advice?

Coleen says

I don’t think the answer is to ignore your mum. I realise you’re angry with her, however, as perfect as their marriage seems to you, it’s obviously not as perfect as you thought.

I’m not condoning what your mum did, but there are always reasons behind a choice like this, so you have to speak to her and hear what she has to say. She will be expecting you to be angry and to want some answers.

And while it’s all very well telling your dad you don’t think he ought to take her back, he’s the one who’ll be sat in front of the telly with a ready meal while you’re living your own life.

So don’t make him feel weak or guilty if he decides to try to fix the marriage – that’s his decision to make.

At the end of the day, it’s hard to see your parents in pain and it’s also a bit of an uncomfortable role reversal – you’re used to looking to your parents to help you and you’ve relied on their strength, and now they’re struggling.

Remember, your mum still loves you and you should listen to what she has to say. Avoiding her won’t get you any further down the road. Good luck.

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